Why is the narcissist good or kind to other people and not to you? After living and working with someone suffering from NPD, I have discovered that they are trying to humiliate you and degrade your self-esteem and self worth. The narcissist does not choose someone who is very low in self worth because they are trying to deplete the person of this energy. They often choose someone who is high in empathy and love, because other people would not tolerate their acts of dismissal and humiliation. They gently and slowly take advantage of you in the beginning stages of the relationship while love bombing you. Testing the depths of your empathic waters. The so called energy vampire process is at work. They need to suck the life out of you for their own self worth. At some point they will be mean and dismissive when they think that you are not going to leave them, especially if you are married and have had children together.
Now why would someone have the desire to do this? Why wouldn’t a mother want to have a good marriage and family? Why wouldn’t they want to take care of their own family. You will see the narcissist taking care of someone else’s spouse or family in order to falsely show them that would make a good wife or husband.
Do you notice that they are especially kind and loving to you when in front of other people that they think they can have a relationship with or at least get them to complement them. The relationships they look for are often sexual. They will often give you hints that the other person is on their mind, by talking about them in casual ways. “So and so is really good at..whatever. it is usually.something that you are good at so they can complement the other person while degrading your self worth.
The narcissist has been traumatized themselves and it could have happened in the womb or as they were being raised by someone who did not have the capacity to love them correctly. Their own parents were hurt or damaged emotionally and did not know how to care for their own children and raise them up emotionally. Usually there are demonic sexual predatory beings involved at the early stages of their life. Programming them for a lifetime of sexual immoral behavior, low self esteem, financial chaos, and living a shameful life while hiding it under the guise of another personality that looks good on the outside but is insidious and spiteful on the inside.
The solution is not simple. You either give up and live with someone who is not going to care about you and demean you for the rest of your life. You can leave hopefully with some aspect of yourself still intact. Or you can fight for their soul and hopefully defeat the enemy within. It will be a battle for your soul and theirs.
The other side of the coin is this, you must take care of yourself first. You need to fill yourself up with the love and light that the narcissist took from you. You need to heal your soul as well. Without a healthy soul you cannot hope to endure or heal someone else. Live your life well. Take care of your soul because most empathic people will tend to lose themselves or forget about their needs while tending to the needs of others.
Why Is the Narcissist Kind to Others—But Not to You?
If you have lived or worked closely with someone suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), you may have noticed a painful truth—they treat others with kindness, admiration, and charm while offering you only cruelty, dismissal, or indifference.
Why? Why is the narcissist generous with strangers but unkind to the one who has stood by them the most?
The Narcissist’s Game
The answer lies in their intent. A narcissist does not merely seek companionship—they seek control. They do not desire love in the way an ordinary person does; they desire power over another’s emotions.
This is why they do not choose someone who already lacks self-worth. There is nothing to take from someone who is already depleted. Instead, they seek those who are empathetic, kind, and full of life—those whose very nature is to love deeply, to give selflessly.
At first, they shower you with affection, admiration, and grand gestures. This is not love; it is a test—a means of measuring the depth of your emotional reserves.
And once they believe you are theirs, the slow dismantling begins. The dismissiveness. The coldness. The silent humiliation. Their goal is not merely to hurt you—it is to drain you. Because they do not feel whole unless someone else is suffering beneath them.
Why Would Someone Do This?
Why wouldn’t a mother want a strong family? Why wouldn’t a husband want a healthy marriage?
Because to the narcissist, a healthy relationship is not the goal. The goal is admiration, control, and the ability to extract energy from others.
You may notice them caring for someone else’s family while neglecting their own, offering help to strangers while ignoring those closest to them. This is not an oversight—it is intentional. It is an illusion designed to make others believe they are good, kind, and selfless.
But if you look closer, you will see the pattern: their kindness is conditional. It is a performance, carefully displayed to those they wish to impress.
The Subtle Betrayal
Do you notice how they become suddenly affectionate when in the presence of others they admire or find attractive? Have you heard them mention another person frequently, offering small, seemingly innocent compliments about their skills, their charm, or their achievements?
This is no accident. It is a calculated move. A way to erode your confidence while elevating someone else in your mind. It is a slow, deliberate form of comparison designed to make you feel less than, while ensuring their control over your emotions remains intact.
They do not seek genuine relationships; they seek possibilities—sexual, emotional, or otherwise—always leaving doors open, always ensuring they are desirable in the eyes of others.
The Hidden Origins
But why are they like this? Why do they destroy the very people who love them most?
Many narcissists have been traumatized themselves. Some were raised by parents who lacked the capacity to love, parents who were emotionally absent or cruel. Others suffered abuse so early in life that their emotional development was stunted before they had a chance to learn what true love even was.
And beyond the psychological wounds, there is something darker at play.
There is a pattern, an influence, a force that whispers in the ears of the wounded and teaches them how to wound others. Many who fall into narcissism have been shaped by forces beyond their understanding—forces that lead them into a lifetime of manipulation, immorality, financial chaos, and hidden shame.
They live as two people: the one they present to the world, and the one who lurks beneath—insidious, spiteful, and deeply empty.
What Can You Do?
There is no simple solution. If you are caught in this web, you have three choices:
1. Stay and accept the cycle—resigning yourself to a life where your needs, feelings, and self-worth will always come second.
2. Leave and reclaim yourself—before the damage becomes so great that you forget who you are.
3. Fight for their soul—a battle that will test you in ways you cannot yet imagine, because you will not only be fighting them, but the darkness that controls them.
The Other Side of the Coin: Taking Care of Yourself
But there is one truth that must not be forgotten: you must take care of yourself first.
Empaths, by nature, give until there is nothing left. They pour out their love, their energy, their time—often forgetting that they, too, need nourishment.
If you have been drained, you must fill yourself again. If you have been wounded, you must heal your own soul first.
Because here is the hard truth: you cannot heal someone else if you are broken. You cannot save them if, in doing so, you destroy yourself.
Live your life well. Restore the light that was stolen from you. Because the right people—the ones who are capable of true love—will never need to take from you to feel whole. They will walk beside you, not in your shadow.
Final Words
If this resonates with you, hear me when I say: You were never too much. They were simply too empty.
You did not fail. You did not lack. You were not unworthy.
They needed you to believe that, so you would keep giving.
But now the question is no longer about them. The question is about you.
Will you stay in the world they created for you? Or will you walk away, not because they do not deserve love, but because you do?
Because, in the end, the greatest act of healing is this: learning to love yourself enough to stop allowing them to steal your light.
Well, good luck, let me know your thoughts.
